Forgiveness Week

Many moons ago, 25 years or 9125 moons to be specific, a Dr. Bob Enwright began research on the concept of forgiveness and its effect within conflict areas. With Belfast as his subject, he found that those on the “forgiveness journey” had greater psychological health and were better able to re-integrate into society compared to a control group. YWAM Belfast’s Forgiveness Team took Dr. Enwright’s dissertation and created a curriculum that they present to local schools all over the country, other nations of conflict, and one fateful week, to our DTS. In attempts to share the magic that was, I will now plagiarize the masterful ideas of others.

It was a week laced in great compassion for the human story, validating each individual wound, and embracing each situation’s complexity. We didn’t proceed an inch without laying a foundation of humanity; every person- regardless of station, belief, or action- is indeed human and entitled to dignity and love. Forgiveness is essential to these elements. Forgiveness is learning how to remember the past from a different lens, where hurt and anger do not dictate. Journey is key, it is a process of no particular time frame. No graph exists measuring time versus intensity of wound inflicted. The forgiveness journey actually engages a person where he or she lies and allows them to stand still or slowly walks forward. It’s all a bit abstract, but at the same time, everyone had tasted these ideas in real life.

And now from my mind to yours, the famed steps: Step One) Acknowledge anger. Two) Decide not to take revenge but decide to forgive. Three) Look at the bigger picture, examine the sides, and accept a shared humanity. Four) Change feelings and digest empathy. Five) Live from your best self.

Healthy anger and acknowledgement of injustice are essential to dealing with hurt. Here is the origin of healing. People need to tell their story of hurt many times over and need to be heard many times over. Revenge- regardless of how intense, how passive, or how active- cinches a person’s humanity and the instigator becomes the personification of the act he or she committed. Even more, bitterness begins to chip away at a wounded person’s soul, and their hurt can steer thoughts and actions. Revenge is enslavement for all parties involved. Forgiveness is freedom. Most of us have issues never tapped, never expressed that knowingly or not drive us to some degree. This is not to say that forgiveness is- gasp- the obvious or easy option. Most likely, forgiveness is the least satisfactory avenue possible, but again, it’s a process with which one chooses to engage. After time and storytelling, questions and dialogue, an imperfect but wider view of a situation emerges and allows a person to let go. Conclusions of culpability are not revised, but instead you gather every memory, every tear, every degree of hurt, hold it with the other side of the story, and let go. From there, a healing person is allowed to retake their life, to live in abundance and out of who they were meant to be. Except everything is messier, longer, and harder. But you get the idea.

We went into St. Louise’s College, a Catholic high school on the Falls Road, to present the idea of forgiveness journey to classes of 16 and 17 year old girls. It was nothing but riveting, posing thoughts and questions that some of them had never thought about. Does every human deserve love? What about murderers? What about terrorists? They discussed division and how to deal with people who have hurt them. A few moments just blew me away. One blonde haired girl piped up to explain how people aren’t bad or good because their Catholic or Protestant but because of their actions. She went on to share that her uncle was betrayed and killed by a Protestant friend, but she can’t rule out every Protestant just because of that. Incredible.

Theory became personal as we used our own hurts to understand the journey. Art, expression, dialogue, and prayer unearthed the sediment of latent feelings and took it out by the roots. Their gentle words of truth touched wiry wounds and I went home crawling each day. But I needed it then, my heart exists in a lighter state now. It’s a lesson I put in my pocket ready for the inevitable; whether to hand out in hope of my own absolution or to recall when the next abrasion arrives.