Home or Something Like It

A week that looked like a traffic light reflecting off a rainy street at night. There were simple celebrations through subtle integration into the city. It’s hard to be reminded you’re a foreigner every day. The novelty of a new scene began to wear and leave me antsy for branches into Belfast that would breathe life and wholeness. Much to society’s dismay, I am quite poor at living casually, skimming on the top. Instead I arrive with the need to dig my feet in and what some might spot as an uncharted or even awkward enthusiasm for new people. I will go ahead and dismiss accusations of social ineptitude and attribute it to my desire to make a new home for myself. As much as I’d like to be a vagabond, there seems to be an internal push to arrive, unpack, and wave to Alan down the street or something. I want to be impressed upon by Belfast, to leave unscathed would be to miss the whole point. Hopefully in some way it will bear just one of my small fingerprints, too. In little strands, God delivered refreshment and connectivity.

When I was in Milwaukee, Morning Star made the city a home for me; in London it was Hillsong. I suppose it’s no surprise that my church here is doing the same, constructing a wee tent for me to live under. It’s always about people. After shuffling from YWAM function to YWAM function for five weeks, I stepped foot into warm, decorated, clean and unaffiliated flats filled- though not over capacity- with lovely City Church goers. Hooray, hazaa there’s life outside the organization! What’s that, there’s a chair for just me to sit on, delightful. Rejoicing in small victories is the name of the game. With personal space temporarily reinstated, I got to meander in conversation and hear stories. Gorgeous. The glory of the week only heightens from there. I saw a film with friends… in a movie theater! The film was a disaster, but for some strange reason it gave me the strongest sensation of normalcy that I needed. I got to sit with friends for hours at a time and hash out lives and be quiet when answers were not there. It’s a gorgeous thing to have time and space and people to sit with. These were blazing moments. And now, let me make public confession. It seems that whence removed from one’s home environment, true colors are made apparent and it was made apparent how shallow and desperate I really am. I went to Starbucks. And it elated my soul. Christmas music and peppermint hot chocolate and red holiday cups, oh Starbucks you’re such a siren. These moments are indicative of a niche being formed. Whatever, I like it here. Please don’t judge me.